I don't deserve it.
I can never seem to finish a project. A dreamer, nothing more, a useless dreamer who dreams big, talks tall and never finishes it at all. Self worth is a difficult issue in my life and it's the very reason I drive a beater, live in a trailer in the forest and dress like a hobo. As much of a piece of shit I think I am, I also have a clear, logical side that pipes up from time to time. I've been browsing around Delorean materials for a long time now. For those of you who don't know, time machines and I seem to get along very well. I don't think anyone knew that it really worked, that the Delorean could go back to the future, but it really did. Everyone thought the Delorean was dead, but some how it made it to the Future, and surprisingly there are new ones to purchase. There are plenty produced new each year to customers specifications and sold through out the world. However the spirit of John, a man I admire in someways, made it to the future. Ideas are brewing, news a stewing about a progression of the Delorean to a new model. Some of this talk has been surrounding the now defunkt Solstice platform, and it's got me excited. I began drawing my version of the car, but like everything else I do, it becomes to real and I cannot continue. It was fun toying with the idea of designing the new Delorean, and the reality of the situation is I will never take part in throwing my ideas into the pot that boils. However, my dr.Jekyl and mr.Clyde the frog personalities seem to never agree. The drawing at the top of the page is my work in
progress never be finished. There's some dumb part of me that believes in those absolutely obscure true stories of people doing dumb things and affecting the world. So I stop and refuse to continue as even that non-existent possibility might mean I could possibly but probably not have some sort of slight affect on the outcome of this new potential car, and I don't want to risk it.
I don't want to risk managing to incorporating the plastic underpinnings with the stainless body for a truly long lasting and good looking exterior. I don't want to risk the chance that someone might take on the soon to be famous tucker like Tesla electric car with the chance to build a fast, quick, yet practical primarily Electric yet, unfuel specific diesel hybrid. I don't want to risk being involved with pulling the potential new Delorean away from the generic and very bloated, unprofitable super car lifestyle. I don't want to risk keeping it an affordable alternative sports car for the working man in these times of economic depression. I don't want to risk inspiring someone to build a small, light car that is cheap to run, but also long lasting and reliable, with no true definition of class both by physical definition and of the people who buy it. I don't want to risk slipping in under the radar of the car industry as they feud for customers, offering the same exact car as their competitors and offering no one, any sort of interesting alternative. I don't want to risk it, as I don't deserve it. A self conceited asshole who disagrees with himself and thus treats himself poorly, what a fucking jerk.